Micah Wright/Autos Cheat Sheet
Without thinking, millions of Americans do this every day without hesitation or remorse. May it be on the morning commute with a cup of coffee and a donut, or on a road trip with a Big Kahuna burger and an oversize side of fries, there is no denying the fact that as Americans, we love to eat while driving. But while this may seem to be a staple of Americana culture, the truth is that most of us actually hate eating while driving. We feel rushed, the food never seems to be truly enjoyed or chewed properly, we constantly fear that we are going to hit someone mid-bite, and a mess is usually made somewhere during the consumption process, so we end up with a glob of ketchup and grease in our lap right as we pull into the office parking lot.
Decades ago, when the drive-thru first started catching on, American drive-ins were everywhere. But over time these classic slices of American culture began to disappear, leaving us with the America of today, when a drive-thru is on every corner and Sonic has become the only drive-in joint that remains readily available. No one really stops to enjoy his or her meal anymore. The days of casually crushing some corn dogs while lounging in the car with friends or sitting on the tailgate of a truck while splitting a chocolate sundae are virtually extinct, and it seems like people are suddenly in such a damn rush that they have forgotten to slow down and enjoy the food they have in front of them.
We’re not talking about feeding on some fries, chomping on a Snickers bar, or slurping down a smoothie here — almost anyone can handle that kind of light grazing from behind the wheel. We are talking about meals, and filling ones at that. The kind of nourishment that is designed to keep the hunger wolf at bay while giving a driver the ability to commute with confidence. Meanwhile, on the dark side of the dice are the foods we should avoid while driving, because every time we begin to consume these snacks of mass destruction, we put ourselves and those around us in great peril. So ditch the McRib sandwich, people. Its greasy barbecue sauce-filled insides aren’t helping those arteries or any accident avoidance issues that one might run into.
But don’t get us wrong: We understand that not everyone has the luxury of being able to throw the car in park in order to enjoy a daily dose of greasy goodness. As a thriving capitalistic culture, we have meetings, deadlines, luncheons, and strict schedules to uphold. But until the day our autonomously driven car gives us the option to fold out a table tablet and enjoy a legitimate meal, we are going to have to make do with what we have, and that’s why we have come up with this list. Many Americans need to work on avoiding foods that can seriously soil the upholstery, or even worse, cause costly mishaps behind the wheel. Here are a handful of travel-size vittles that can either make or break that morning commute in no time flat.
Source: Thinkstock
THE GOOD
1. Baby burritos and well-wrapped wraps
Starting us off is a simple offering that works quite well behind the wheel. We’re not talking about that 45-pound Chipotle monstrosity that is bursting at the seams, but a much smaller, tightly rolled offering that can be contained in foil and filled with nutritious goodness. The topping choices for this fun food really are endless, with everything from a Greek feta and hummus veggie wrap to a seared steak burrito topping our list of favorites. Prep time for this road-friendly feast is minimal, as well, and for those of us who are truly in a rush, Taco Bell has everyone covered in the burrito department; Wendy’s offers some nice wraps, too.
Source: iStock
2. Beautifully built breakfast biscuits
There is something comforting about having a greasy breakfast biscuit first thing in the morning on the way to work. Throw some eggs, cheese, and bacon between its fluffy folds and we’ve suddenly got a real winner in our hands. Where it may lack in nutritional sustenance, the breakfast sandwich more than makes up for with utilitarianism. Not having a ton of toppings or sauces that are designed to drip everywhere is a key perk, and we like that breakfast sandwiches are usually pretty small, so the one-handed grab is very much a factor here.
Just be sure to opt for a fried egg, as scrambled eggs can get a bit crumbly, and over-easy yolks are no joke when they dribble on those freshly pressed khakis. Want a healthy alternative to ham, sausage, and bacon? Try searing some sliced turkey breast with a little grapeseed oil for a fun spin on protein.
Source: iStock
3. Compact calzones
While pizza may be completely out of the question when it is time to drive, its estranged cousin, the calzone, is still very much a contender. With its thick, doughy outer layer and countless filler options, the calzone stands tall when it’s time to get a bite to go. Key tips for ordering or making a low-maintenance calzone are simple. Don’t overdo it on the sauce (or opt for a garlic-olive oil base instead), too many toppings increase chances of disintegration, and entirely too much cheese will cause a stringy mess that will amuse anyone driving by who happens to peer inside the car. Just don’t forget the napkins with this one.
Source: iStock
4. Smart scones
People always think of a scone as this lightly sweetened pastry that is only good for breakfast, and they don’t think much further than that. Scones are actually pretty awesome when they are salty and savory, with some of the better ones offering many of the same toppings we find on pizzas and sandwiches. One of our personal faves is a bacon, parmesan, and kale stuffed scone with roasted garlic butter. Scones don’t require two hands to eat them, they can be packed full of almost any kind of protein, and they require very little clean-up. So when shopping around at Panera early in the morning, keep those eyes open for a savory scone for the road ahead.
Source: iStock
5. Superior sushi
Right about now is when most people will throw their hands in the air and call us raving lunatics. Sushi is a delicate food, designed for table consumption, along with soy sauce, wasabi, and flagons of chilled sake. While most of the time this proves to be the case, there is one strong exception, and that is the sushi roll. With customizable “Subway-style” sushi joints like Fusian popping up across America, this foreign delicacy is quickly becoming a mainstream meal for anyone in a hurry.
Virtually anything can be thrown into a sushi roll (we personally like seared filet mignon and cilantro oil), and we highly recommend getting a roll where the seaweed is on the outside, to keep the rice from falling onto the floorboard. When ordering, ask if sauces can be rolled into the sushi to avoid any soy sauce mishaps in the center console, and always make sure the roll remains uncut and wrapped in foil or saran wrap so it can be eaten like a burrito.
Source: Thinkstock
THE BAD
1. Catostrophic coffee
While it may not be a food per se, coffee certainly has become synonymous with the daily commute. Once considered a luxury around the office, this caffeinated creation has seen sales skyrocket ever since the advent of the to-go cup a few decades back. And with Starbucks drive-thrus growing in popularity, it doesn’t look as though this dangerous form of drinking and driving is going anywhere anytime soon.
One thing many of us fail to notice, though, is that coffee causes more accidents than any other digestible product. According to a report by Wired, a multitude of independent studies have shown that coffee continues to be the primary offender when it comes to food-related accidents. That searingly hot cup of beans, accompanied by an unsuspecting lap and a 70-mile-per-hour speed limit, really do seem like the perfect recipe for disaster.
Source: ChrisLocurto.com
2. Hulking hamburgers
Fast food burgers have become so synonymous with American culture that it is impossible to think of modern life without them. Pass by a drive-thru on any given lunch break and the sight of dozens of hungry people waiting in their cars is sure to tell the rest of the tale. Americans love to nosh on a burger while barreling down the road, and honestly, that is just flat-out dangerous.
Anyone ever see someone in a hamburger commercial take a massive bite out of a juicy burger with just one hand? We didn’t think so. These greasy Goliaths are a two-handed affair, and anyone daring enough attempt a one-handed approach to Wendy’s Baconator is a fool. Even if someone did find a way to clutch that monster with one hand, all of the grease, pickles, and sauce are surely set to slide out and onto the steering column at any moment.
Source: Our State Magazine via Twitter
3. Deadly donuts
This delicious grease trap may seem like the ideal companion to that scorching cup of coffee, but in reality, it is nothing more than great way to ruin the day. Dunkin’ Donuts has a drive-thru, so it must be good food for the road, right? Wrong. Jelly and creme-filled donuts are notorious for shooting their insides all over the place upon first nibble, and anyone who is into powdered sugar or sprinkles is just asking for a refined sugar bomb to go off in their car. Sticky fingers are just as dangerous as greasy fingers when driving, and a wimpy wet wipe won’t do much for the sugar bomb that just exploded all over that suit.
Source: Thinkstock
4. Accidental ice cream
While it seem like a fun snack on the ride home, ice cream is a real threat for anyone behind the wheel. Cones drip incessantly and need constant care, and all the sticky runoff gets everywhere and is cause for many a control button to become stuck. Cups don’t help much, either, since they require two hands for proper consumption, and plastic spoons are notorious for breaking halfway through a sundae. For anyone craving a sweet treat after work, we highly recommend opting for a shake or a malt instead of something that could cause a catastrophic car collision.
Source: iStock
5. Terrible tacos
We wrap things up with the crunchy taco, which is prone to instant disintegration at any moment during its consumption. While a soft-shell version may be slightly less messy, a tightly bound burrito is a more solid choice, as the crunchy king of Tex-Mex is a full-blown disaster while driving. If the shell doesn’t shatter into a thousand pieces after the first bite, all of the cheese and tomatoes are set to slide out the moment a distracted driver needs to have his or her eyes on the road and not the lap.
But if someone absolutely has to have a hard-shell taco, we recommend going with something like Taco Bell’s Double Decker option, which has a soft shell that encases the crispy shell and prevents the whole thing from falling apart.
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